Alphas in the House
by SparkSparta
Summary: What happens when you combine a stressed college freshman with the 12 Pre-Scratch trolls? Complete and utter chaos. All for shits and giggles.


**Hello everyone! I'm not sure how popular this gets (if gets popular at all), but I do want to clear some things up regardless!**

**1: I'm still learning about Homestuck. I know the characters, how they act, what goes on, etc., I just don't have a firm grasp about how everything goes into play. I have yet to finish the comic, but I know it well enough to find out what happens up to the most recent update.**

**2: I doubt the Alpha trolls can leave their dream bubbles because they're dead, but I've been wanting to make something humorous that includes them. I haven't seen many stories that involves them aside CroKri and Mitula romances or Humanstuck. So, I'm not sure if it's possible (if it's not, please let me know and I'll change it), but the Alphas will be here in their dead forms.**

**3: I just finished the Openbound part of Homestuck, and I do know how most of the characters act somewhat. If I screw up on any of them, please let me know in the reviews and I'll try my best from there.**

**4: This MAY have ships. I'm a fan for Kankri despite his total dick-like personality, and I adore Kurloz and Meulin together. I might include Mitula, but I'm not a big fan of it. We'll see. If there's no hard core romance, there will be hints and small pieces here and there. **

**I think that's about it. If there's anything else I should know about, please let me know! I want this to be as funny and as accurate as possible! I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I sighed as I finished the last Openbound section of Homestuck. Jesus Christ, that went on forever. Hot damn, Hussie. As much as loved Homestuck and its characters, the whole thing was WAY too overdone to me at least. But, still, the whole idea of Homestuck interested me.

I never was a fan of said web comic until the beginning of my senior year in high school. Even though have heard most of it between my early to mid teens years, I never really had a chance, or the will, to actually get to know it better. From what I heard, coming from a friend, the beginning acts were boring as shit.

And God, they were right.

When I actually worked up the nerve to try and read Homestuck from the beginning, I spent the last hour and half just cruising through the pictures of Act 1, trying to see if it caught my interests. Needless to say, I got bored out of my skull. So bored, I actually left my computer off when the battery died. I didn't really care too much for kids; John in particular. He was...okay. But not too interesting. Don't ask me why, but he didn't seem to interesting to me at first. But the other kids cracked me up, Dave in particular. The dude knew how to own someone pretty hard. That was respect.

Oh damn, I'm rambling again. You're probably thinking: Who the hell is this guy? Allow me to introduce myself.

You all know me by my username, Sparks-Sparta. My real name isn't going to be admitted, but I'll give you a shortcut. My friends and family call me Jel, and I'm a girl. I'm currently eighteen, going on nineteen, and I'm a college freshman. And obviously, I'm in the middle of reading Homestuck and I just learned about the Alpha trolls. They...they were all something else.

I liked them, but, I also hated them. They had great physical characteristics, but they just seemed so 2D! But, I couldn't help but like some of them. My favorites so far were Mituna, Meenah, Porrim, Meulin, and Kurloz. I liked Aranea, Latula, and Horuss; they were pretty okay. But the others seemed off. And not in just one way.

Both Cronus and Rufioh reminded me too much of the dumb high school jocks who thought they were hot shit; Cronus more than Rufioh. At least Rufioh seemed somewhat kind. Damara...I wasn't sure if she was saying that kinky Japanese shit because she was serious, or if she just wanted to mindfuck her friends. And then Kankri.

Dear. God. If douchebaggery needed a name, it would be Kankri Vantas. Just like Karkat said, he hides his arrogant and judgmental personality behind his wide-ranged vocabulary and hindsight. The way he treated poor Porrim made me freaking furious. Now, I'm not much of a feminist. I mean, yes, our minimum wages should be the same as guys, and we shouldn't be sexualized, or poked at about our weight, or how we should look and whatnot in the media, but still. Being motherly is a natural instinct for girls.

Oh God, I'm starting to sound like him! "Ugh!" I tore off my headset and rubbed my sore ears. It was needless to say I was stressed out. The last few weeks of college were kicking my ass. Between working for finals, lessons, make up days because of the snow, and working, I barely had time to draw! Let alone think!

I sighed. I thought that Homestuck would offer some form of relaxation, and it did, but when I got the ministrife section, I felt stressed out all over again. The older trolls did nothing but remind me of assholes from high school. Then again, I encountered assholes wherever I went. Moreso at work than college. Which is ironic. And then when I get home, some days are worse than others. If it weren't my parents, it was my brother, and if not my brother, it's my grandmother. Hell, I even get pestered by my cat!

I sighed. I guess what I wanted most was a vacation. Don't get me wrong, I love them all to death! But sometimes, you just...lose it!

I checked the time and it was little after eleven. I groaned, feeling exhausted. I didn't have college tomorrow, nor work, but I had nowhere to go or do. As sad as it was, I didn't really have any college friends, and my other friends at work, and my two closest friends were still in their late high school years, so they were out.

I literally had nothing to do tomorrow but basically be a couch potato. How exciting, huh? Whatever. As I turned off my laptop and shuffled into my pajamas, I thought back to my childhood. Man, did I take those days for granted. I missed being a kid. Things were simpler back then, even though it didn't seem like it. Ever since my thirteenth birthday, I made a mental note to myself to never miss a beat in life. If you spend so much time worrying, what's living?

I climbed into my bed as I heard a small jingle from the hallway. My black cat, Shadow (real original, I know), walked into my room and meowed. I smiled and patted the empty space beside me. He walked over and hopped on, purring loudly. I petted him on the head as he began to smurgle the sheets.

"You're lucky, kitty. You don't have to worry about your future. All you do is eat, sleep, meow, shit, and repeat."

Shadow meowed and lied down beside me. I grinned and closed my eyes. Even though Shadow's company felt good, I still had an empty space inside me. What was I going to do as an adult? Would I make it as an artist? Would I stay best friends with the two girls I knew for six, and longer, years? Would be able to keep my job until the time I transfer to another college?

_'I just...want to breathe again...'_

But before I knew it, I was asleep.

* * *

"Damn dog, how long does a human sleep?"

"I bet she wvas out late last night."

"Cronus, that's highly triggering. I'll have you know that female humans are-"

"Kankri, you have no say on this. You barely acknowledge my opinion on those issues, so it's best to stop now."

"Whoa guys, chillax. We can't mess up this girl's room. Not when we just arrived here without much of an explanation."

I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head, feeling someone watching me. It was probably my bro. "God damn it, bro, get out and take your friends too!"

"...Water in the world is she sayin'?"

"She thinks we're her dancestor and her friends."

"Well that'th weird. I didn't thee anyone elthe here."

I moaned, pulling the pillow over my head. "Dear God, get out! Let me sleep in peace, will ya?!"

"Peace? What peace?"

"It means we should leave. It is terribly lood to talk while someone is sleeping."

"KURLOZ, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"

I felt someone poke me. Oh, that did it. I smacked the hand away and snarled, shoot up out of my bed, creating the angriest face I could muster. "God fucking dammit, dude! If you and and your friends don't get out of my room this instant, I'll-!"

I froze. In that moment, how I wished it was my brother and his friends. I prayed to God, hoping I was imagining things. But the poke was too real. These guys, or these trolls, were real. And they were all standing beside my bed.

"The fuck...?"


End file.
